Internet Kissing MachineTokyo’s Kajimoto Laboratory researchers at The University of Electro-Communications are developing an Internet kissing machine. They want to be able to get into their girls’ throats long distance. I cannot tell you how many jokes have just flooded my mind from that single thought, but I’ll try to refrain long enough to explain the idea.

The way the Internet kissing machine works is that each of you have a box, about the size of a canister of tea. On one side is a straw sticking out and bent 45 degrees. You put the straw in your mouth, holding the box like a drink, and move the straw with your tongue. The pressure and rotation are transmitted to the other box, where the straw moves in tandem. See it in action here: Internet Kissing Machine.

Now, you might be thinking that these guys have to be the biggest losers on the planet. But stop and think about what the world might look like if this actually caught on. If people adapted to this kind of kissing and got turned on by it, a real, face-to-face kiss would leave them empty.

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